Gorillas in the Midst… Midst or what? I don’t know Part II

Normally this would be the part of the story where Dian Fossey begins to think like Katherine the 2nd but this has nothing to do with it.

Right now the animal handlers/trainers are working with the gorillas to look uneducated. They have removed their copies of the New York Times informing the Gorillas that it’s virtually all propaganda created by the Jews to take over the world and instead gave them copies or Brave New World, 1984 and Animal Farm informing them that some animals are more equal than others.

However, they are training them to jump up and down and look more dumbed down rather than the blue furry creature in xmen who wears glasses and hangs upside down by his feet.

So I went back a second time, mostly to see the monkeys and gorillas again. There was a female wandering around the compound which is pretty nice except for the Arbeit Macht Frei sign and a clock stuck at the same time.

The female carried around on her foot a tarp and she would wander around and sit on the tarp periodically and stay nice and clean. I don’t know if she was trained to do that but if I owned gorillas worth about ten million dollars each I’d be really careful what’s in the cage so they don’t choke or go eat-in chicken on you.

One of the males passed by where I was standing and I psychically spoke to him. I asked him how he was doing. He pretended not to acknowledge me, I’m sure lots of people do this with him all day, but I managed to get through but he didn’t want to play along…that is until… I said to Marcia climb in the cage and go take the tarp from the other gorilla, (I figured out later it was a female. A few seconds later the gorilla charged at me, stopped dead in his tracks by the ravine and engaged in a staring contest with me. My heart started pounding and I was sure he could jump the ravine and get me. We continued to stare at each other while I reviewed my karate moves learned from Mr. Bobby and decided a side kick would be my best defense as my leg might actually connect with his bread basket before he murdered me.

I then remember that you’re supposed to stay perfectly still, ignore the animals or crap in your pants so the smell repugnates him. I had no problem crapping my pants and decided I would ignore him and play dead while he feasted on my carcass. We stared at each other for about 25 minutes…ok, 2 minutes at most seemed a lot longer, then he looked askance a bit and smirked. A young gal who I psychically spoke with later as I did the gorilla asked me what happened. I told her I had a sling shot and kept bopping his girlfriend in the ass cause I wanted to go full Fossey on her…no I didn’t say that…i think I said he didn’t like what I was saying to my wife. She said later on psychically she doubted that was it but this is the reason I don’t get out much…if you think I get in trouble on line try me in vivo. I went to see Penn and Teller in NYC a few years ago and got banned from the city and had to leave under safe passage. (True story). Hell I’m banned from LA but I still go back…oh and Maccabi games…and Boca Raton….and this bar near the junction by Brooklyn College and an old girlfriend’s father’s underwear drawer (haha made that one up!)

I spoke to the Gorilla when I got home and he was very enlightening. He didn’t like what I said about the tarp and needed to show me a lesson then he and the others decided I was really pretty funny and started laughing with each other.

Here’s where it gets sad…



Comments are closed.