So today I was reviewing all the people who came in to see me in my office from my newfound family and most of them came in a couple of years ago but interestingly enough Matt Damon came in, in disguise for a few sessions of therapy within the last couple months, which did not go well. I believe he came in with depression and I put him on some medication but somewhere around the fourth session or so he stated he wasn’t improved at all, previously he had been progressing nicely. I knew something was wrong with this, it was incongruous, and I had a feeling I was being played. I ended the session relatively quickly and got him out and he never came back but it occurred to me today, why was Matt there in the first place. A few people came in after fact, people mostly came in from the Cayman Naib is missing scenario a couple years ago but Matt came in well after that…then I remembered. I outed him. There are two previous posts about him and I must have rattled his cage and he became pretty angry with me. I found one of his alter identities by looking up the writer of Penny Dreadful and noticing it was him. FYI so he wrote Penny Dreadful which is now my favorite comedy of all time, also loved most of the Jason Bourne films and his other work, so I’m a fan but i also figured out who his dad is (Ron), his mom (not Cheryl), his kids, found a picture of his wife in the alternate identity, found his maternal grandfather, his maternal great-grandfather, where he grew up (Iceland), photos of him not seen before from Iceland, and his mother’s husband (stepfather) Creepy Gene Rosen of Sandy Hook.
I figured he showed up because he was a curiosity seeker. Wrong! He was angry, really angry and I spoke with him today. He expressed some of his anger but it was hard to focus looking for the DMV. I didn’t realize he would be angry. The work I did was some of my best but it revealed too much and must have put his life into chaos. He may have felt vulnerable, violated and betrayed. Here’s what I said in one of the posts, dates above:
“…and (I) got to bust on Matt Damon which was really kind of fun seeing how good looking, wonderful and famous and all…sadly that always seems to be fun and I get to meet a lot of new, curious and often pissed off people like this.”
Case in point, this is how I met Damon, he was curious and pissed off. I have to believe he sat there and thought, “You don’t recognize me…do you…punk!!” or something like that. He may also have been seeking some kind of revenge, he may still be doing that.
I’d like to tell you that we came to some resolution…but we didn’t. But it was fun busting his balls and I’m glad to meet him because I’m a huge fan. It was also some of my best work and I thought he’d appreciate it. This is not so peculiar as it sounds…people have come to love when they come up in this blog or I’ve outed them. Good things tend to happen but if you’re Matt Damon already, a great writer, son of Ron, wonderful mother and maternal family, Danish or Icelandic Royalty how much better can things get?
I’m sorry he’s angry at me but I really don’t regret what I’ve done. I think it was a story worth telling and I wouldn’t have done it if it didn’t need to be done.
I’ll leave with this thought which I’ve made before…stop making Bourne movies that you are not physically in and do more choreographed fight scenes in the ones you’re in.
Last thought…I know people think I’m a genius with facial recognition, I’m really not, I’m a genius when it comes to research and facial recognition on paper and film. My vision is not sharp enough to make people out and I’m best with 2D and not 3D. I am also avoidant of people and don’t want to run into or talk to most people…besides if I ran into any of you you’re not allowed to talk about anything anyway.
Matt wants an apology… Ok Matt, I am truly sorry if I have upended your life and your family’s and made you miserable. Next time I see you I’ll make it up to you by Simonizing your balls with Turtle Wax…it leaves a hard-shell finish… Turtle Wax. I’ll even get Paul, Neil or Cowell to help with the Simonizing.
Just as I expected…Ron Howard!