I saw 2 horror films this weekend. Usually not my favorite genre but it’s about the tomatoes and not much else. OK, so saw “It” and “Mother”. “It” was a pretty good film, kept my attention and I’ll go see the sequel. The kids were great in it and so was the clown. It had a nice pace. Empty your bladder before the film actually starts. Skip the last trailer to do it because if you go out at any point you’ll miss something. I’ll give it 4/5 stars. Not highbrow entertainment but then again Stephen King seldom is.
Now “Mother”: It with the psychotic killer clown was like a walk in the park compared to Mother. OMFG!!! Simultaneously the best and worst film of all time. The film left me speechless. I had to run out of the theater when it was over to escape. Bring plenty of Xanax or other benzodiazepine sedative as long as it’s prescribed to you and you consult with your doctor as to how much you should take to go see “Mother” and make it clear it’s for the film and not your actual mother or he may double or triple your dosage. The writer, director, producer and Lady Gaga are all comfortably resting in a mental hospital after being involved with this sick f–king piece of crap but it was the best thing I’ve seen this year. I’m giving it 5/5 stars, yes 5/5. Don’t see it if you’re pregnant, planning on getting pregnant, have children, don’t have children, don’t have medical insurance, have cardiac arrhythmia, a weak stomach, a weak constitution, weak bowels or hemorrhoidal tissue. Remember what I’m about to tell you…do not forget this… you cannot unwatch this film once you’ve seen it. It’s kind of like going on a tour of Auschwitz but in 1943. Oh and don’t bother wearing clean underwear…you won’t need them by the end of the film. Best piece of crap from some really sick ph–ks I’ve ever seen. Special kudos to Gaga who was amazing, as was everyone. Did I mention that the Ga-meister is Jennifer Lawrence…haha I know who she actually is…I think. I’m sure this film will lead to another round of Helter Skelter. Don’t miss it!