Today it was noted that all of central town expressed the opinion that their city was being held hostage by this blogger!!!
Residents were quoted as saying, “We don’t know what he’s going to find next! One minute he says he’s going down the rabbit hole the next minute he’s outing someone else!!” “Everyone here’s on their best behavior. No one wants to do anything which will come back to haunt them later!!” “We’re all eating Matzoh now…I don’t know why…I’m Jewish and I don’t eat it until Passover!!! He’s eating it now so we’re all eating it…I hate the stuff!!!”
Men have stopped having anal sex with their wives for fear it may hurt them, they’re more gentle with their girlfriends and the gay men are now using lubricant with each other…”Once in a while.” The gay men were quoted as saying, “We don’t really care what he thinks… this is perfectly natural for us… as a matter of fact we don’t really thinks he cares one way or the other but we refuse to be marginalized on any issue that involves anal sex!!!” Wives were left begging… “Please don’t stop doing that… I actually like it… you won’t have to tie me up while I pretend to fight you off… just give it to me… please!!
People have increased the number of charitable acts and donations but run into the same issues that this blogger has, “Isn’t that the same BS charity that we made $700,000. on last year?” and, “If we send money to Haiti does it count as charity if the money actually winds back up in our pockets?”
“It still feels better living under the threat of Ed than Adolf Hitler… we’re just not used to being nice to each other… anyway it feels better and we kind of like it!”
“We thought going down the rabbit hole was some kind of sexual metaphor… it turned out it had something to do with Lewis Carroll but none of us really understand what that guy was talking about despite the fact that we’ve made a hundred movies of his… I mean really, ‘`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.’ What the puck does that mean for God’s sake!!??”
The town tormenter turned over a new leaf and when sent to extract information from some nefarious soul who rolled into town began to repeatedly poke him with a soft cushion screaming, “Who sent you!?…Who sent you!!!!” When this failed the tormenter called for “the comfy chair,” which was brought in and the person was placed in it and ordered to stay in it until lunch time with only a cup of coffee at 11. * The tormenter was quoted as saying, “I actually turned over a new leaf a while back after Ed burned my lover to a crisp who was running my favorite church and I ask him to take care of Ed who kept destroying my bottles of essence of nightshade and wanted my daughter more than me… I was also kind of the high priestess there. Hubby wasn’t always too happy with what I did thereand once he had to shell out 3M in damages after I took things a bit too far with one of the candidates for the church but you know in religion you can justify almost everything you do! Ed said the church had a public relations problem and instead of doing blood sacrifices we should do charitable donations, that was after I left and Ed took over. All of my lover’s demons went to him and I turned over my duties to someone I trusted. It turned out to be a natural progression.”
People, newly permitted to do their own internet research are trying to predict which direction he’ll go to next… “We think we’re doing a pretty good job of it but he makes these leaps we just can’t fathom…how does he go from a little girl on a surfboard to Ron has a son that none of us knew about and that was Ron’s granddaughter?”
Special thanks to Monty Python and The Spanish Inquisition!