Complaints Against Ed

Taken from “The Ed Complaint Hotline”: Below is an updated review of a small subsection of the complaints against Ed. The complaints include but are not limited to Ed’s assumed responsibility for the following:
The Nanking Massacre, Tiger Woods’ Indiscretions, Liquid Cat, Captains Edward Smith and Joe Hazelwood, Caligula, Pollen, Nanites, Dendrites, LSMFT, Donnie Dunagan’s involvement in The Kidnapping of Charles Lindbergh Jr. and his Marfanesque appearance, Khmer Rouge, Khmer Lipstick and Mascara, Dysplasia, The Manchac Swamp, Building 7 As Well As Buildings 1-6, Heterosexuality, The Trail of Tears, Rickets, Rickettsia and Ricky Ricardo, Cherry-Lime Ricky, Lockheed Martin’s Use of the Metric System, Cellulite, Tamerlane, Patty Lane, Penny Lane, The 19th Century Basilique Saint Donatien Fire in Nantes France, Jumping Out, Being Buy Curious, Pseudoparkinson’s Syndrome, Truffle Butter, The Fall of Rome, Leeanna Vamp, The Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Fire, A Gate Massage With A Happy Landing, Hans Gruber, Seven Deadly Zins, Nipples on Men, Xenia Zaragevna Onatopp, Spiritual Currency, Leaving Your Socks and Underwear On The Floor, Karmic Debt, Humblest Apologies, The Lopsided Victory at the Battle of Jade Helm, Asami Yamazaki, Petard, Leaflet Y, 2-Mile Island, Wisconsin Sikh Temple Shooting, Plum Island, Plum Brandy, Amanda Plummer FLÜGGÅӘNKб€ČHIŒßØLĮÊN, The George Weyerhaeuser Kidnapping, Alagille Syndrome, Sewer Gas, Nathan Petrelli, Being Joined At The Dick, The Stolen Generation, Aunt-Woman, Christian Persecution Complex, Blind Transfers, The American Quiverfull Movement, The Dutch Act, The Dutch Oven, The Little Dutch Boy Sticking His Finger in a Dyke, Wolfram and Hart, Decimus Maximus, Chernobyl, Jiggle Lucy, Ouija Bored, Habeus Jewboy, Deflategate, The Catcher in the Rye Bread, Cerro Grande, OpSec, The Edsel (Named After Ed), The Comcast Cable Monopoly, The Hyatt Regency Walkway Collapse, Waco, Wendi Deng, James Bond Impostors, Dengue Fever, Behaving British, The Nephilim, Sept. 10th, Canned Squid, Recep Tayyip Erdogan, The DMZ, The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Great Gazoo, Head Cheese, Cheese Without Head In It, Steven-Johnson Syndrome, Habeus Chutney, Mickey Finn, Mickey Donald, The Internment of Japanese Americans, The Alamo, 1929 Glen Cinema disaster, Famine In Ethiopia, Chemtrails, Outercourse, Super-Size Me, Hirsuitism, Chemical Hepatitis, Hepatitis A,B,C,D, and E, Arachnophobia, German Hyper-inflation, Hyperinflation Without Goose-Stepping, Filaria, Tenerife Airport Disaster, The Disastrous Occlumency Lessons, Xanaxplanations, Shituations, Robo-tripping, Mrs. A, Methicillin Resistant Staph Aureus, IWTOYWIM, The Boston Molasses Disaster, The Boston Massacre, The Boston Strangler, The Boston Bombing Hoax, Boston Baked Beans, Termite Damage, Sewer Gas, Term Limits, Saccharine, Cyclamates, Aspartame, Sucralose, Neotame, Sugar, Textually Frustrated, The Guimaras Oil Spill, Borking, Boinking, Figging, Inflation, The San Andreas Fault, Astroboy, Astrogirl, The Hot Tub Cinema, 7/7, Polite Society, The Jonestown Massacre, Edward Murphy, Making Whoopy, Whoopy Goldeneye, The Ghouta Chemical Attack, Wax Lips, Wax Museums, Waxing Floors, Eosinophilia, Basophilia, Neutrophilia, Neutropenia, Penopenia, The Ming Dynasty, Mr. Mushnik, The Sinking of Britannic, ABC Sex, ABC Gum, ABC Parties, Owen Not Cleaning His Mother’s Ears, Cholera, E.L.James, Dysentery, The MH17 Malaysia Airplane Disaster, Fame Whores, ACSI, Moonlight Requisition, Midnight Visits, Five Finger Discounts, Rosy Palm and Her Five Sisters, Monkey Mung, Dementia Praecox, Dementia Wally Cox, Wally Cox and Marlon Brando, The Winnipeg General Strike, The Sexual Equinox, Biflation, Fluoridation, 420, She Creatures, Creatures Who Aren’t She, Erotic Asphyxiation, Asphyxiation That Kinda Sucks, Fat Hangovers, Doan’s Little Liver Pill, Stagnant Water, The Minnesota Vikings Boat Party Scandal, 20 Trillion Dollars Damage at the Battle of Jade Helm (this one actually true!), The Battle of The Mercantile Exchange, The Panic of 1907, Visitors Who Don’t Bring Assorted Cakes, Fecal Vomiting, Major Depression, Baby Goggles, Major Major Major Major, Desperate Psychotics, Heath Ledger’s Death, Chelm, Sharon Tate’s Reappearance, Manta, Spam, Spam, Spam, Tim Samaras, New Coke, Mr. Tea Infuser, Moor Hall Studios, Mall Feet, Mall Rats, Malted Milk, Anaphylactic Shock, The Dunblane Massacre Hoax, Cleveland Clinic fire of 1929, Hemorrhagic Nephritis, The Son of Sam Hoax, The Euro, The Mandela Effect, The Red Queen, The Red Witch, A Nun Rolling Down a Hill, A Frog in a Blender, The New York Times, Jumbo Shrimp, Collapse of the Atlantic Northwest Cod Fishery, The 1900s British Attack On India The Aero, Super-sleuths, Abolition of the Klingon Neutral Zone, Special K, Ketamine, BICQ, The Death of Marat, Kopechne, Unrequited Love, Requited love, Static Cling, Cling That Isn’t Static, Charles Coughlin, Trust Falls, Viagra Falls,  Avalanches, Clituations, Toilet Mummy, The Piper Bravo Oil Rig Disaster, Waffle Cones From The Ice Cream Man, The Leveraxe, Percentage Disadvantage, The Armenian Genocide, Whaling, Pollotarianism, Collar Stays, Temporal Lobe Microseizures, DexMedia, Polycystic Ovary Disease, Alex Forrest, Restless Lip Syndrome, La Violencia, Sitting Cross Legged on the Floor, Barium Enemas, Any Kind of Enema, Liquid Latex, Systemic Latex Toxicity, Jeremy Mayfield, Spam, Sid Vicious Murdering his Girlfriend, Leaches, Leches, Madura Foot, Madura Saddle Bag Thighs, The Temptation of St. Anthony, Holodomor, Hater-tots, Autism, Dave-Dave, Kapusta, Robert Hanssen, Lovers of Toilet Humor, NWO, Tokitsukaze, Being Rubinesque or Marfanesque, Emily and Charlotte Bronte, Aquagenic Urticaria, Maude Needing to See a Shrink, The Controversial Vanity Fair Portrait of Child Star Miley Cyrus, Avarice, The Ten Plaques, Janet Reno, The Branch Davidian Hoax, Karl Marx and Julian Lennon, The 26/11 Attack On India, The Mahdi, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, Battle of Okinawa, Shavocado, Boiled Chicken, Tramadol, The Falun Gong Show, Shaneen Allen, Stephan Collins, Billy Jean and False Flags, Legitimate Rape, The Queensland 2011 Floods, Bounced Checks, Bouncing Betties, The Possession of Regan MacNeil, Account Overdrawn, Spider Mites, Liver Sausage Pineapple, The Death of Jerry Garcia, 1992 Los Angeles Riots, The Indian Ocean Earthquake and Tsunami, Chitterlings, Bernardo, Pete Carroll, Boris and Natasha Poly, Bathrooms Labeled Poles and Holes, Quisp and Quake, Call For Orange Moose, Frankenstein, Wildenstein, Road Kill, 1926 Dromcolliher cinema, The Rwanda Genocide, Gluten Intolerance, Gluten Tolerance, Cancrum Oris, Jeremiah Being a Bullfrog, Comfort Tubs, Permian Extinction, Execution of Anne Boleyn, Moses Stuttering, The Crucifixion of Jesus Christ, Cersei’s Walk of Atonement (I still cry when I even think about that one), Azov Oti Be-Ima Shkha, Aaron Stampler, Col. Hans Landa, Eat In Chickens, Lilly Dillon, Madame Serena Merle, Sweeney Todd and His Costar, Growing up with Dyslexia, The Organization DAM (Mothers Against Dyslexia, Dyslexic Agnostics Who Doubt the Existence of Dog, Polyglandular Addison’s Disease, The Hind-lick Maneuver, Marburg, Hemorrhagic Fever, The A__hole Chair, Bellatrix Lestrange, The Murder of Caitlyn Stark, The Countess of Manton, Lee Blair, Jacqueline Breton, La Década Perdida, Economy of Zimbabwe, Dejajew, Desk Rage, REICHSSICHERHEITSHAUPTAMT, 8 Track Tape Players, Tooth Decay, Moral Decay, Decay Ballard, Self-Pollution, The Scrum, Vulture Capitalists, Scrub Daisy, Parmalot, Vatican Roulette, Nuclear Winter, Captain Japan, Mad Hatter Disease, I’ve Got Mercury Poisoning, The Piltcher, Diphyllobothrium Latum, Charon, AGSSt, Teflon, Overtoun Bridge, Nick Spargo, Aphids, Woolpit, The Hemisphere Project, Munchausen Syndrome, Rug Munch, Clutter, Oswald, Burmese Way to Socialism, Flat Feet, Flat Checks, 1984, The Limited Availability of The Pirelli Calendar, MMORPG, Typos, Google Translate, Tarnish, All Work and No Play, Elephantiasis, Gymkata, Methane Gas Expulsion, Pornocchio, Pushy Bottoms, Tyrannosaurus Bitch, Dr. Christian Szell’s Skill as a Dentist, The Dungan Revolt, Sangfroid, Belle Gunness, The Incarceration of Rorschach, Belleview, Special Green Bedspread, Tarrasch, Knock-off Dresses, The Halt, Muskrat Love, Love without Muskrats, Pole Dancing Being Denigrated as Not Being Therapeutic, Spam, Sang Froid, Capgras Syndrome, Aldrich Ames, Cats Named After Presidents Like Garfield, Cheese Eaters, Tamad Shud, Dien Ben Phu, UVB-76, UB-40, DB Cooper, Phyllis Dietrichson, Blended Fabrics,Chieu Hoi, Chu Hardar, Chieu Mi, Wet Dog Smell, Women in Black, The Implications of Being a Licked Lollipop, Urbach-Wiethe Disease, Tetanus Toxoid, Brainerd Diarrhea, Anton LaVey, Yul Brynner, The Mongol Conquests, kiki emoticon, ^_^,
The Fabulous Disappearing Dr. Crusher, Olivia Moore, Abaddon, The Tuskegee Syphilis Study, Syphilis Without Anyone From Tuskegee, Viagravation, Hamen, The St. Francis Dam Disaster, Fallen Arches, BL-5C, Albert DeSalvo, Julia Hoffman, Contrapunctus XIV, NTSIP, Davecat, Ancient Mew, Edlington, Rhoda Penmark, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Eros, Thanatos, Dopplegangers, Gangers Without Dopples, USACAPOC, Rats with Bats, Snitches Who Get Ditches, The Dharma Initiative, Eleanor Shaw Iselin, Emperor Harperius Mandatorius Minimus, Sleep Apnea, Apnea Without Sleep, Tom Lantos, Adiposis Dolorosa, Drs. Hannibal Lecter and Arthur Harmon, Rheumatic Fever, Fever Without Rheumatism, Rifampin, Mamzerim, Study after Velazquez’s Portrait of Innocent X, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Operation Northwoods, Operation Dinner Out, Membraneous Retinopathy, Virgil Sollozzo, Necrotizing Fasciitis, The Santa Maria Tragedy in Brazil, The Alaskan Fire-Dragon, Manual Release, Automatic Release, Tacoma Narrows Bridge, Plan-9 From Passaic, Shigella, The 1959 Cadillac, EST, Brian Hugh Warner’s Name Change, Lifespring, Insight, Ondine’s Curse, The Irish Curse, Clogged Drains, Clogged Arteries, Lead Poisoning, Arsenic Toxicity, Mr. Mxyzptlk, Monkey 61, Monkey 69, The MKUltra Program, Isabella of Castile, Summa Theologiae, Dante and Virgil in hell, A Henway, A Dickway, Max Cady, Gunichi Mikawa, Blended Scotch, Titan Arum, Gyp’s Killing of Vic Sickles, Click Clacks, Ray Rice, The Secret Government, Hash Tags, Gastritis, Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog, WWJT, Harlequin Ichthyosis, Harley Quinn, Dishpan Hands, Pol Pot, Smoking Pot, Cornu Cutaneum, Librium, Lithium, Trimethylaminuria, 1985 Mexico City Earthquake, Blaschko’s Lines, Robert Ressler, Cyanosis, Triskaidekaphobia, Parts Becoming Extinct, Corporal Clegg, Leaving a Hat on the Bed, Avogadro’s Constant, Plagiarism, Alonzo Harris, Hammer-toe, Hammer-time, Getting Beat at Your Own Game, Diphtheria, Systemic Latex Toxicity Leading to Multi-organ Failure, Men in Plaid Work Shirts, The Hal Turner Show, Konigstein, Packing the Rabbit, PMS and Mad Cow Disease, Blind Ambitchion, The Unaffordable Care Act, The Fire Bombing of Dresden, Folliculitis, The Death of Harry Houdini, The Chronosynclastic Infundibulum, Fatal Familial Insomnia, Elio Motors, Elio Pizza, Love and Squalor, The Ceti Eel, The New Madrid Faultline, Alan Nierob, Sister Mary Elephant, Talking Tina, Puritan Bennett, Fracking, Lyme, Krippendorf’s Tribe, Aurangzeb, zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba, Armin Heinrich, Love and Squalor, Asurion, George Koval, Zany Brainy’s return policy, Adenoid Hynkel, The Aswan Dam, 1906 San Francisco, IVDA, Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva, Earthquake, Saturn Devouring His Son, Sleeping in a Bra, Feeling No Pain, Feeling Pain, The Mitchell Report, The Report without Mitchell, Radio-Free-Muffintop, Teutoburg, Professor Periwinkle, Gate Rape, Myasthenia Grapes, Zombie Companies, Putting One Thing On Top Of Another, Aflatoxin, Angel Dust, The Death of Margaery Tyrell, Arachnid Hemorrhage, Harvest Moon, Enterocolitis, Springtime For Mel Brooks, Mitch Brooks, Beverly Allitt, Clothing Masticators, Lap Dancing, The Concert for Bangladesh, The Bangles, Affective Disorder, Cholent, Operation 2×4, Microsoft Bob, Wake and Bake, Enuresis, Finding The “G” Spot, QT3.14, Dr. William Cosby, South African President, Hemophilus Influenza, Otis Toole, Aristocracy, Stretch Marks, Being Low Key, Being Loki, The Santa Maria Tragedy, Lars Thorwald, Nurse Ratchet, Don Sterling, Spandex, Judith Beheading Holofernes, Panderers, The Salem Witch Trials, Annie Wilkes, Tim Donaghy, The Death of William Wallace, Flankin, Typhoid Mary, Bloody Mary, Mary Poppins, and Lousy Posture.