Mochi

I’m preparing Mochi right now…otherwise known as Gateau De Riz Decoupe en Tranches or slice rice cake.

Mochi (Japanese: 餅, もち) is Japanese rice cakemade of mochigome, a short-grain japonica glutinous rice. The rice is pounded into paste and molded into the desired shape. In Japan it is traditionally made in a ceremony called mochitsuki.^[1]

Little known fact: While also eaten year-round, mochi is a traditional food for the Japanese New Year and is commonly sold and eaten during that time.

Every New Year in Japan dozens of families wake up to find out that their beautiful elderly relatives in nursing facilities have choked to death on this virtually inedible rice product. Sadly, their last dying words inevitably are…what the fuck is this shit?” Then something about Rosebud and mistakenly switching from Scotch to Martinis.

The families then hunt down the Nursing Home owners and make them stand on a street corner wearing “Ribbons of  Shame” and then force them to perform Hari Kari while they drop eggs on them and yell, “Bombs away” while they play Barbra Streisand songs.

Mochi was featured in an episode of the Patty Duke Show when Patty Lane, played by Patty Duke, accidentally adopts a kid from South East Asia who won’t eat anything until Patty tries to brush his teeth and the kid grabs the toothpaste and starts eating it yelling Mooci…Moochi. Me and my brother ran around for weeks yelling Moochi….Moochi!!! It was great college fun!