Preparation for the now joyously restored holiday continues to take place with turkey prices rising dramatically on the commodities market. “This was totally unexpected,” one commodities trader said,”We all took short positions and now we’re eating crow,” “Literally we are eating crow…you can’t find a turkey anywhere!”
Homeless shelters ran out of turkeys during the middle of the night with housewives and househusbands going back to the shelters after donating the free turkeys they got for spending $200 at Ralph’s on Sunset Blvd. Turkeys were bought back from the shelters initially for $100 a piece until one resident of shelter, a former commodities trader, realized that they were in the beginnings of a turkey trading bubble and advised the shelter administrators to keep raising the prices of the turkeys until the prices were unsustainable citing rules of “supply and demand”. Prices continued to rise through the night until the final turkey was sold for $18,400 to a major Hollywood star. One homeless shelter resident was quoted as saying, “If this guy can make millions on a film about a volleyball, we can at least get what he sold the dang thing for.”
Moneys raised by the homeless in Hollywood in the sale of Turkeys exceeded everyone’s wildest expectations and were used to pay for a new homeless shelter and provide quality medical, psychiatric and addiction care for all the homeless in the Greater Los Angeles area. One homeless shelter resident was quoted as saying, “Hey…who knew doctors could help you out of your addiction!”
The homeless now without turkeys but flush with money made reservations at Morton’s Steak House and other fine restaurants. Wearing the fineries traded by employees of the movie industry for turkeys, some were hired as Maitre D’s and other restaurant workers when recognized they were in fact some of the homeless seen on Wilshire Blvd. One employee of “The Palm Los Angeles,” was quoted as saying, “Those guys clean up really good!! It’s an employer’s dream! Most of those homeless were aspiring actors anyway so they’re really familiar with restaurant work!”
Homeless shelters emptied out with recently hired residents moving into nearby studio apartments and the upgrades in medical care restoring people to employability. Long standing residents of Los Angeles were quoted as saying, “Hey…if we can dramatically improved the health care of the homeless maybe we can do the same for ourselves!”
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